Friday, March 9, 2012

So, there's nothing going on with my life...

...I'm only completely in love with a married woman.

Now, before you think, "What is she, like 35, 40?"

Actually, she's in her mid 20's.

I was in love with her before she was married, so it wasn't like I only knew the married her.

And before you think, "why didn't you make a move."

Oh, contraire. I actually did ask her out. Yeah, I know, surprising.

Alas, when I did, she was dating someone.

I see her everyday, so, we still talked. Yeah, she works in my building.

She did break up with that person, so I was going to go back in, make another move. I've NEVER done that before.

OK, once, with whatsherface, but that's different. Also, you probably don't know who whatsherface is. Well, I refuse to talk about her on this blog. Visit my old Xanga blog to read all that shit about the HomeTown Honey (

But, I was starting to get the feeling that she was nice to everyone (since, that's kinda in her job duties). But, even still, I believed we shared something.

But, I was conflicted, so I was quiet. Yes, that's the real me. Staying quiet while life passes me by. Moving on.

A month later, she was dating someone else. 6, 8, 10 months later, she was engaged. 2 months later, she was married.

Or something like that, I'm not exactly sure of the timeline.

Either way, we still talk. We still have a little jokes, are little comments, our little ol' connection, that really never went away.

Sometimes, we share a brief moment, where she flashes me a little smile, that she sometimes, tries to hide, and I think "Wow, I could see that smile for the rest of my life and live happy".

Yes, lusting after taken women or women that have refused me is sorta the essences of my core. <---I have no idea what "the essences of my core" really means, but you know what I am saying.

I have no idea what I am going to do (yes I do), but I know what I should do (but I won't) and come to grips with the fact that we will never happen (I won't).

Yeah, I am a real piece of work. Why am I even on this planet?

~ Derek

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