Monday, October 26, 2009

Introducing a new Blog Series.

"You Ever Thing About...?" will explore actions, concepts, thoughts, ideas, etc. that, when you think about it, are complete insane, weird, outstanding, etc.

Now, this won't be a weekly thing. Won't be a monthly thing. Won't be on any type of schedule. The series will come out pretty much how I see fit. I do have 4 topics, so this blog series will be around for about at least a few weeks.

For my first entry:

You Ever Think everything we do, everything that we know and exists on this planet, will be gone in 6 Billion years?

I'm gonna assume that you believe in Stellar Evolution. I mean, if you didn't, so what? What they hell do we know? Even the smartest scientists may ultimately have it wrong.

But I'll continue as if you believe. The Sun is, no surprise here, a star. And like any star we theorized ('we' being human beings 100 smarter than you or I...or at least appear 100 times smarter), it goes through a life cycle. A Star is Born, exists for a few billion years at a relatively steady temperature, gradually gets warmer, expands massively into a Red Giant, then collapse into a White Dwarf.

Some time between now and then, Earth's atmosphere will be completely shredded and the surface will resemble Mars.

Just another lovely Sunday on Earth

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Why the fuck would I care? I'll be gone by then. Holy fuck. I'll be gone by then!!!!!"

Sorry to freak you out. This isn't one of those "Life on Earth-Mars will turn to shit, so Live Your Life now" type posts. I Swear.

This is merely a thought exercise.

I, for one, find it fascinating. I find everything about the Universe fascinating. Because I'm a big nerd with lots of time on my hands. No complaints from me. But I wish time would be the only thing on my hands.


Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that by then, humans would probably find some other planet we could travel to, take the most important (i.e. riches sons a bitches...because money will be so important on a brand new planet) and continue our existences for awhile. Until the resident aliens get sick of us and boot us out. Who's the dirty Mexican now?

Above: Dirty Mexican!

But is also makes me think. In the grand scheme of things, are we really just a spec of dust on the pubic hair of the Universe's nutsack?

Something like that

Personally, I like to think that we are just a small glisten of sweat on the Universe's large boobs.

Apparently, I think the Universe is a large chested tranny.

See. That didn't hurt?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"Think Kanye is a jerk? Want him dead?

Congratulations, you're worst than him."

I wanted to post this after reading some of the tweets regarding the "RIP Kanye West" hoax on Twitter. Reading some of the things people were tweeting, it kinda annoyed me.

(I was gonna post some of the tweets I was talking about, but this is what I get for posting this a day too late)

Basically, there were a few "He's not dead, but he should be" and "He's not dead, unfortunately" and "Why can't 'RIP Kanye West' be true :("

My headline is for those people.

Now, don't get me wrong, these types of tweets were few and far between. And I bet the ones I read were probably in jest. But for those who were serious or even quasi-serious, I say, "Kanye West is a jerk, an egotistical asshole. You, my friend, are much worse of a human being."

I'm not really for the death penalty (save that for another post) but I understand wanting to put someone to death for the crime of murder. But wishing death on someone for being a jerk/asshole/useless? You're a bigger piece of shit in my book.

Can you imagine? One day, Kanye West is walking in the street. A bus is careening out of control. I jump out and pull Kanye back from certain death. Then some Twitteridiot comes up to me and ask, "why did you do that for?" Their tweets were basically saying the same thing.

If you're one of those people reading this entry and thinking, "Derek, I wish death on you!"

I say, "You're still a bigger asshole. Bask in your Grand Assholeism!"


(I really don't know why I posted this. Just trying to stay up to date, I guess).

Friday, October 16, 2009


...uh, look, if you want me to just keep on doing the same old thing, then maybe this blog is not for you. I, for one, am not going to compromise my blogtistic integrity. And I'll tell you something else, this is the blog and I'm not going to change it."

OK, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just haven't updated in awhile and was in an Costanza mode.

I mean, it's not like I have something for you. I mean I may, but I don't wanna jinx it. So, I'll stay mum.

There are other things I could talk about, Obama fucking up (or that's what Fox News tells me), Meghan McCain's might fine boobs, my perspective prospects that may or may not, trip to Philly, jokes I'm coming up with.

I'll try to keep it positive. I mean, what's more positive than boobs?