Monday, December 29, 2008

I hope this isn't a downer.

I know how much my readers didn't like when I talked about future events, like marriages and such.

But I want to say something about a topic we sometimes think is a distant future event, but can happen at any know what I'm talking about...


Last week, there was a (very sudden) death in my very extended "family" (if I can even call it that). But still, I see how much such a thing like that has created ripples in my life now.

Which makes me think..."how would I react if this death was 'closer' than it was?"

I know this is something we don't wanna think about. But if you ask me, we should be thinking about it all the time. Now in a sad way, but in a 'be happy for now' way.

I can't be the only one to, every now and then, get that 'cold shudder' when they think that at some point, it is GUARANTEED that I'll die (I should point out hear that the state of being dead doesn't scare me, but dying does'). But I rarely think..."I can wake up and by the time I go back to sleep, my _________ (really, REALLY close relative and/or friend) can be dead." Especially when someone has already died (because it always feels like death happens in groups. So, you think about the next one to go).

But anything I think about was how sudden this death was. And it wasn't an accidental was a health related death. Unless you run marathons on your spare time, you have to think about your own health. I mean, I think about college and I am surprised I am as healthy as I am now. In college, I ate a lot of shit. I was able to get my health under control, but I still have to think,your body is fickle. Something can happen in the blink of an eye. If you're not ready...shit...

I'm 25, turning 26. I used to think I had years and years, 20, 30 maybe 40 (barring anything accidental happening). Now, I can be as safe and cautious as humanly possibly and still be gone in 10.

10 years is not a very long time...

I don't really have anything to say as a response to this...I guess I just needed to get it off my chest for awhile. I guess...I'm just saying...


1 comment:

  1. Life can end up being really short, so they say live it up while you can. But... living it up can be what makes your life short.

    It's hard as hell to find a middle ground.