How did you spend your New Years?

Did you start off the night right, become the life of the party, become the official photographer, start talking to a pretty lady, go to the bathroom to puke, stumble outside without telling anyone, puke some more, puke on your shirt, pass out in an alley, almost get run over by someone parking their car, sit on some steps, listen out while your friends scream your name, guide them to you, get lead up back inside to a "red" room, pass out again, complain whenever someone turned the light on, get driven home with a plastic trashbag over your head, have a great night sleep and wake up with not even the slightest hint of a hangover?

No? I'll tell you who did:

This guy

Sigh...it could have been a great night. Welcome 2010...

Introducing a new Blog Series.

"You Ever Thing About...?" will explore actions, concepts, thoughts, ideas, etc. that, when you think about it, are complete insane, weird, outstanding, etc.

Now, this won't be a weekly thing. Won't be a monthly thing. Won't be on any type of schedule. The series will come out pretty much how I see fit. I do have 4 topics, so this blog series will be around for about at least a few weeks.

For my first entry:

You Ever Think about...how everything we do, everything that we know and exists on this planet, will be gone in 6 Billion years?

I'm gonna assume that you believe in Stellar Evolution. I mean, if you didn't, so what? What they hell do we know? Even the smartest scientists may ultimately have it wrong.

But I'll continue as if you believe. The Sun is, no surprise here, a star. And like any star we theorized ('we' being human beings 100 smarter than you or I...or at least appear 100 times smarter), it goes through a life cycle. A Star is Born, exists for a few billion years at a relatively steady temperature, gradually gets warmer, expands massively into a Red Giant, then collapse into a White Dwarf.

Some time between now and then, Earth's atmosphere will be completely shredded and the surface will resemble Mars.

Just another lovely Sunday on Earth

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Why the fuck would I care? I'll be gone by then. Holy fuck. I'll be gone by then!!!!!"

Sorry to freak you out. This isn't one of those "Life on Earth-Mars will turn to shit, so Live Your Life now" type posts. I Swear.

This is merely a thought exercise.

I, for one, find it fascinating. I find everything about the Universe fascinating. Because I'm a big nerd with lots of time on my hands. No complaints from me. But I wish time would be the only thing on my hands.

(Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww)

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that by then, humans would probably find some other planet we could travel to, take the most important (i.e. riches sons a bitches...because money will be so important on a brand new planet) and continue our existences for awhile. Until the resident aliens get sick of us and boot us out. Who's the dirty Mexican now?

Above: Dirty Mexican!

But is also makes me think. In the grand scheme of things, are we really just a spec of dust on the pubic hair of the Universe's nutsack?

Something like that

Personally, I like to think that we are just a small glisten of sweat on the Universe's large boobs.

Apparently, I think the Universe is a large chested tranny.

See. That didn't hurt?

"Think Kanye is a jerk? Want him dead?

Congratulations, you're worst than him."

I wanted to post this after reading some of the tweets regarding the "RIP Kanye West" hoax on Twitter. Reading some of the things people were tweeting, it kinda annoyed me.

(I was gonna post some of the tweets I was talking about, but this is what I get for posting this a day too late)

Basically, there were a few "He's not dead, but he should be" and "He's not dead, unfortunately" and "Why can't 'RIP Kanye West' be true :("

My headline is for those people.

Now, don't get me wrong, these types of tweets were few and far between. And I bet the ones I read were probably in jest. But for those who were serious or even quasi-serious, I say, "Kanye West is a jerk, an egotistical asshole. You, my friend, are much worse of a human being."

I'm not really for the death penalty (save that for another post) but I understand wanting to put someone to death for the crime of murder. But wishing death on someone for being a jerk/asshole/useless? You're a bigger piece of shit in my book.

Can you imagine? One day, Kanye West is walking in the street. A bus is careening out of control. I jump out and pull Kanye back from certain death. Then some Twitteridiot comes up to me and ask, "why did you do that for?" Their tweets were basically saying the same thing.

If you're one of those people reading this entry and thinking, "Derek, I wish death on you!"

I say, "You're still a bigger asshole. Bask in your Grand Assholeism!"

Derek

(I really don't know why I posted this. Just trying to stay up to date, I guess).

OK...

...uh, look, if you want me to just keep on doing the same old thing, then maybe this blog is not for you. I, for one, am not going to compromise my blogtistic integrity. And I'll tell you something else, this is the blog and I'm not going to change it."

OK, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just haven't updated in awhile and was in an Costanza mode.

I mean, it's not like I have something for you. I mean I may, but I don't wanna jinx it. So, I'll stay mum.

There are other things I could talk about, Obama fucking up (or that's what Fox News tells me), Meghan McCain's might fine boobs, my perspective prospects that may or may not, trip to Philly, jokes I'm coming up with.

I'll try to keep it positive. I mean, what's more positive than boobs?

Upcoming Album Releases

With targeted dates, months. Which mean less than a stack of shit but, it's a reference point to anticipate.

1) Big Boi - Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dust (8/09)
2) Andre 3000 (late '09)
3) Outkast (late '09)
4) Jay-Z - Blueprint3 (9/11/09)
5) Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: The End of Day (9/25/09)
6) Lil Wayne - Rebirth (8/18/09)
7) Bone Thugs N Harmony - Uni5 (9/22/09)
8) Bobby Ray - The Adventures of Bobby Ray (9/22/09)
9) Dr. Dre - Detox ('09...I almost laugh putting this as upcoming)
10) Lupe Fiasco (late '09)

:::New Editions:::

(I should have remembered Wale. Slaughterhouse was a complete surprise)

11) Wale - Attention: Deficit (9/22/09)
12) Slaughterhouse - Slaughterhouse (8/11/09)

I hope I update this with some more artists. Any one I'm forgetting?

I don't really know I do this to myself. Haven't I learned not to expect album until I see it under the "Tuesday Releases" section of the Sunday Best Buy weekly ad?

In case you didn't know...

...I played paintball this weekend.

And it was awesome!

It's like living a shootout movie scene but without the inconvenience of dying or guilt of killing.

Even though it doesn't really hurt getting hit, it's enough to make you want to avoid being hit. Like when you find cover and all you hear is a barrage of paintballs hitting your cover and whizzing by your head, you really scream, "Fuck...I better move!" Getting hit stings for a split second, then it goes away. Of course, I was a first time player and was wearing an undershirt, a t-shirt and a long-sleeve tee. There were guys playing in beaters. I guess there were use to it.

But then again, there were those who were decked out in full army fatigues. Those guys were hardcore!

So, after playing once...I'm ready to play again. This time, I'm getting my own marker (or gun for those unfamiliar to the game). I saw this one marker that looked like an M16. That shit was ill. Might get it off eBay in a paintball package.

(don't worry, I'll make sure to carry the gun in the bag on the streets)

Doc

Lesson learned.

OK, next time I want to check out a comedy open mike, come early.

That way, I won't spend $15 for parking only to get to the venue and be turned away because it was sold out.

It's funny, writing jokes, writing lyrics, making beats, all things you would think are simple until you try it. Then you realized that it is hard as fuck.

Next week, I wanna check out a comedy open mike just to get an idea of the talent level that would be expected. To be a good joke writer, you would have to observe everything and anything and think, "how can I make that int a joke." Hey, even raping young boys can be funny if said right.

In other news...alotta new music coped. Eminem, Busa-Bus, Kid Cudi, even Curren$y & Drake. Gotta love new music!

Until next time, kiddies...